Iraqis are amazingly generous hosts who truly “do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers.” (Hebrews 13:2). But they are also keen observers, assessing the character of their guests very quickly.

As a visitor, if your intentions toward your hosts are sincere and loving, it literally doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from—they will trust you. But if you fail to demonstrate this, Iraqis will smile politely, keep feeding you, and quietly close their minds. As a guest in Iraq for nearly two years I witnessed this dynamic over and over again.

This is the story of U.S. involvement in Iraq. Whatever the reasons were—weapons of mass destruction, oil, “democracy,” or thwarting terrorism, the U.S. did not invest hundreds of billions of dollars and thousands of American lives in Iraq because its primary concern is the well-being of ordinary people who live there.

A Kurdish family bids their guests farewell after sharing an evening meal

Today, leaders and regular folks in the U.S. continue to search for the best way forward in Iraq, as well as Afghanistan. Most of these efforts are genuine. But any strategy we design is set up to fail because it rests upon the same fatal flaw: Our policies are not about Iraqis or Afghans. They’re about us.

The problem is structural. The United States exercises incredible power all over the world, but global decisions are still made inside a bubble of American-centered ideas, values, and political pressures.

If the U.S. were interested in successful Iraq policy, the formula is straight-forward:

1. Be self-aware. Understand how U.S. culture and actions are perceived by others.
2. Listen. Learn from Iraqis about their societies and the challenges they face.
3. Ask if there is something the U.S. can do to be helpful. If so:
4. Allow Iraqis to utilize U.S. resources and ideas in a way that makes sense to them.

Good foreign policy is about being a good guest. The Apostle Paul must have been a guest in many homes when he advised: “Love one another with mutual affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” And most of all, “Let love be genuine” (Romans 12: 9-10). As experience in Iraq has made clear, sincerity makes all the difference.